Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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