closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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