her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
