puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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