The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
