we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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