ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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