if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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