I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
