happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he just fucked me for my cheese..