the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day