Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.