You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
