If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
