called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
