i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Let's get the cat blown out
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
