let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
