Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
