Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
