He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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