She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
