So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I had to cum in my sink.
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