Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
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Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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