The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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