I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
