I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
