My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
there's paper in my vomit.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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