fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
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Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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