WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
nutella sex= disaster
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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