my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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