And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Your penis caused this!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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