the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
