mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
