That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize