I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
