2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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