Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
