This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
