i think my mom watched the whole time
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
