This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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