I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
