I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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