there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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