Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize