dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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