drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
