yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
