so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
