Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
