Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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