dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
