So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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