My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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