I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
