she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
