How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
