Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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