so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
