I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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