First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
