you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize