i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
